James chapter 4 reads like a loving parent pointing a finger. "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" The first time I really sat with those verses, I felt a little chastised. But James isn't just tearing us down. He's doing what a good parent does, correcting us because he loves us. Safe hands, remember? Our hands aren't for pushing and shoving.
I know that battle personally. For three and a half years, my husband Corey and I waited for a child, and I wanted it so badly I was willing to do whatever it took. Trying turned into a year, then another, then doctor visits and disappointment. Meanwhile it felt like every woman in my small group was having baby after baby, shower after shower. My rose-colored glasses went foggy, then tunneled, until getting pregnant was all I could see. Envy took root in me and branched into everything, my marriage, my joy, even my relationship with God. On the outside I smiled and faked excitement. Inside, I was full of resentment.
It reminded me of a Flannery O'Connor story called Revelation, about a proud, self-righteous woman named Mrs. Turpin who silently judges and ranks everyone around her. A girl named Mary Grace finally snaps, throws a book at her, and calls her an ugly warthog from hell. It takes literally being hit in the head by grace for Mrs. Turpin to see herself clearly. And I had to ask: am I becoming that woman? Was I letting envy and selfish ambition turn me into someone I had no right to be?
That's what James means by friendship with the world. It isn't caring about trendy nail polish (cabana boy blue, if you're wondering). It's harboring bitter envy and selfish ambition, doing whatever it takes to grab what we think is rightfully ours. And it puts us at odds with God.
But James doesn't leave us there. He hands us the way out: submit to God, come near to him, wash your hands, purify your hearts, humble yourself. Surrender. When I finally set my envy down and sought God's wisdom, it led me to a doctor, a diagnosis of endometriosis, surgery, and healing. And God's plan turned out bigger than mine. I didn't have one baby. I had twins.
So go out, humble yourself, and surrender to God. When you get down on your knees, he lifts you to your feet. Don't let grace be thrown in your face. Choose to get higher, and he will lift you up.
We'd love to have you join us. Garden City Church meets every Sunday at 10:00 AM in Tacoma. Come as you are, whether you've walked with Jesus for years or you're just curious and checking things out. This is a place you can belong before you believe. Find us at gardencitynw.com for directions and what to expect.
- Jennifer